and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
