Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have feelings that need drinking.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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