So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
