I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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