You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
