Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
