the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
birth control should be required to get into college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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