I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My balls are so social today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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