i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i dont even know how to be here
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
