Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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