Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
