Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
