I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
