Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
