You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
