There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
