Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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