you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
