Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
