sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
