I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
