I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
