Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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