Soap is not a condiment
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
