Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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