so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
