I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
