I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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