If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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