a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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