I want to have your abortion
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
