I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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