OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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