i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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