The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
