the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
