Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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