I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
