He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
