maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
