I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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