Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
