Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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