so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
