I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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