No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
