So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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