his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
