if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
