Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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